I have to admit while I am an avid blog reader, I haven't forayed into the world of dating / relationship blogs before. A quick google search has helped me build up a small list of ones that seem interesting and, far more importantly, regularly updated to link to. A lot of blogs seem to stop and start depending on the relationship status. And also a lot of them seem to be trying to get a novel out of their blogs as well. Maybe I'm not as original as I thought!
Monday, 8 October 2007
As things stand I'm in danger of being in the classic bus situation. None for ages then x amount at once. I've been quite casually dating Dan for a few weeks. I really like him. He does not seem to be that wild about me. No sex - just drinks and snogging with a bit of touching up. Normally I'm not one for hanging around when you don't feel wanted - it is rather degrading - but I' ve got a fair few mixed signals off him and I just cannot quit bring myself to cut and run.
However last week I met Will, under rather heightened circumstances - on holiday. This meant late night random casual shagging. However now back in the light of day apparently he's still interested and has asked me out on a date. Now it's not that I don't like Will - he seems like a really nice chap. It's just he's not Dan. However since the likelihood of Dan suddenly declaring his undying love for me is so slim and I have been alone for such a long time it seems churlish not to give Will a chance. But what if I realise that I'm really not interested in Will and I have to break up with him at a later date rather than nip it in the bud easily and early?
Well I'm going on the date and since my life seems to operate around sods law I'm sure some bizzare twist will occur. At least I might get a shag this week though.
Trying to find a man in your twenties becomes infinitely more complicated than it was as a teenager. Teenage days were filled with house parties and drunken nights in parks and various other experiences fertile with young single men desperate to get laid. Finding a boyfriend was like shooting fish in a barrel if you were relatively attractive. I had the bonus of a personality as well as looks which made it all the easier.
Of course having good looks is also a lot easier when you're a teenager. You're naturally slim, your skin is superb - dark rings round your eyes and grey hairs aren't even an issue. As you hit your mid twenties suddenly things that you thought didn't happen to your body until you were ancient (like 40) suddenly start to hit. Cellulite, wrinkles, I shan't go on - I'm scaring myself as it is. But the point is suddenly looking good is something that takes effort and time.
The real issue though is the rapidly drying up pool of opportunity. There are still of course lots of very young single men, and of course sleeping with 19 year olds does have some plus points. However it rarely leads to a serious committed relationship and having to act like their mother all the time to get them to behave like an adult is rather tedious and at the same time disturbing.
Men your age are at an odd stage. Either they are panicking about heading towards thirty and so trying to regain as much lost youth as they can or they have already been snaffled up by some woman who was their university girlfriend and has got her claws so deep into them they have no hope of escape ever.
And then of course there are the older men, men who five years ago you wouldn't have dreamt with going out with because it would be creepy. Suddenly dating a forty year old doesn't actually seem such a mad idea. However these men of course come with serious baggage. If they are still single then clearly something is wrong with them - or they're lying. Mostly they're married / divorced / living with someone / have kids. Obviously none of these things are a reason not to be with someone if you love them but it does have the rather oppressive effect of making you feel old before your time.
Whittling them down however makes no difference unless you can find the buggers in the first place. Meeting new people is a scary and difficult thing to do as an adult. You have your work colleagues, your mates from way back when and....well that is often just it. You end up going one of two paths - living vicariously through a mate who does know lots of people or joining some sort of club / society / group in order to meet people. The former can bring up all sorts of complications of an emotional kind when your mate gets involved in some shape or form with the relationships. The latter can lead you to a fulfilling and exciting pursuit - or it can just mean you end up trapped in some group you thought would be filled with eligible bachelors but instead is filled with men who can't get a girlfriend for a very good reason.
So the dating game in your twenties becomes filled with chance moments, mad twists of fate and blind luck. I was going to say something else there but was terrified I was about to start sounding like Carrie "stuck up bitch" Bradshaw (I must make it clear, I have no issues with Sarah Jessica Parker herself - just the character she plays!).
Anyway to sum up - it's bloody tough out there, trying to meet the love of your life.
I am currently writing a novel. It's a rather pathetic tract rehashing the various disasters of my sex/love life over the last few years. The novel has stalled at around 8,000 words as I cannot decide where to go with it. The working title at the moment is "A Litany of Shits". I thought I'd met the hero of the piece finally recently but it turned out he was just another useless bastard like the rest of them.
So anyway the plan was blogging might give me an idea for a direction. Or at least somewhere to outlet about some of the tertiary characters not up to the final cut. Obviously not every man I sleep with can make it into the book - it's meant to be a novel not the UK Guide To Men (although now I type that it doesn't sound such a bad title!)
If worst comes to the worst and I never manage to get the thing finished, never mind published, at least I have an outlet for my depressing search for that special someone!